I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
