I think scott just propositioned me for sex
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
