you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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