im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
