My nipple is on Facebook.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
