Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
