I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
