Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
