I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Damn victory sex feels great
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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