Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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