Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
