I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
