All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You are the jesus of drinking
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
