I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
