is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
