and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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