my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
