Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
