Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
