but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
