drinking out of a sandbucket again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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