Define "chronic" masturbator.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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