i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
