Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
