we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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