When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
