you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
