upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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