If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nutella sex= disaster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
