I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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