So gin and wine won't be happening again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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