Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We are two peas in an std pod
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize