dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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