I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
