Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
