I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
