Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
