wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
