it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize