??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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