Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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