worst night to have a conscience
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
