So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
