ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
