I wish I could teleport
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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