remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
