There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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