We need to rekindle our bromance
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
