some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
