I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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