i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
