ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
