He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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