I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
