he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
