The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
