its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
