im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
