Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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