I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
