im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
