She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize