For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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