I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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