Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
