Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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