Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
