No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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