I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
