Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
one two three fourrrrnication!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
