Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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